seemingly small compromises sabotaging my best intentions

This morning I became very mindful of how capable I am of sin. I mean, I am quite aware that I sin all the time but there are certain sins that creep their way into my life, almost daily, and manifest themselves in many different ways.

There is a quote that has always stuck with me about this. It’s from Oswald Chambers and he says, “The root of all sin is the suspicion that God is not good”. I know with everything that is in me that God is good and that he has a wonderful plan for my life but that doesn’t make me any less vulnerable to sin. I hate the way the enemy slithers in and whispers lies into my heart. I hate even more that I am so susceptible to believe those lies.

“What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.” –Romans 7:15-25 MSG

This is me. I have the best intentions and most of the time can talk myself out of doing, saying or thinking different things but little by little, my compromises sabotage my best intentions. I definitely relate to Paul’s statement- “I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge”. I hate that feeling, the feeling of having no control when my seemingly small compromises have brought me to a place of no return and guilt. I think this is an awful trick of the enemy. Little compromises that lead to guilt and then I don’t even want to acknowledge the Savior out of guilt and regret. I don’t feel worthy of his grace because once again I have failed to do what is right. Lies.

“He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death. God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all.” –Romans 7:25-8:4 MSG

That is my hope. That is your hope. That is the gospel.

Even when my best intentions are destroyed by my lack of belief that God is good, Christ is still there- standing in the gap that I have created myself with my own sin. Even if I don’t “feel” worthy to approach and ask for forgiveness, I am but not because of my own righteousness but because of the righteousness that Christ gave to me on the cross when he took those sins away.

“He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21 NASB